


What he wants

by velocitygrass



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M, Rituals, Somnophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-12
Updated: 2006-11-12
Packaged: 2017-10-18 12:35:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/188949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitygrass/pseuds/velocitygrass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And what do I have to do to finish the ritual?" John asked.</p><p>"Just give him what he wants."</p>
            </blockquote>





	What he wants

**Author's Note:**

> Somnophilia, i.e. having sex with a sleeping person. This includes the obvious consent issues although consent is implied and perceived here, even if not explicitly given (until the sex is well underway).

The Star Wars characters had nothing on John. The feeling he had was rapidly going way beyond bad.

From the moment they had stepped through the gate he had felt uneasy, and now here he was, waiting that Rodney returned. He didn't actually think their hosts would do anything to him. At least nothing overt. They could have easily killed all of them. Instead they were interested in trading—a ZPM.

Rodney had insisted that he be the one, once they had asked that their group choose one person to participate in the trade agreements. It wasn't that he didn't trust Rodney, he trusted him with his life. It simply was that if there was one thing in the world that made Rodney stupid, it was the thought of having a ZPM.

After another hour of tense waiting the man that had left with Rodney returned—alone. He smiled that polite smile of his.

"We have come to an agreement. We will trade you a ZPM for medicine and technology."

It sounded wonderful. John couldn't bring himself to care. Not until Rodney was well and in his sight again.

"Where is Doctor McKay?"

"He is preparing for the ritual."

Of course there had to be a ritual. And John could just see how that had gone. 'Before we can trade however, you'll have to perform a little ritual to prove your trust.' And Rodney blinded by the ZPM, eyes alight, grinning, had probably just nodded, not asking if that ritual happened to include bloodletting or sacrificial hacking off of vital or even not vital body parts.

"What ritual?"

"A ritual of trust. It is very important for us to know with whom we're dealing with. Doctor McKay has agreed."

"What exactly does this 'ritual of trust' entail? Where is Doctor McKay? How long will this ritual take?"

The man smiled again. "Well, that depends entirely on you. If you'll come with me now, I will lead you to Doctor McKay so that you can perform the ritual with him."

"We have to perform the ritual together?"

"You will see when we get there."

John looked at Ronon and Teyla.

"The other members of your group can witness the ritual, but they cannot go with you."

John hesitated, then after giving both Ronon and Teyla another look, started walking in the direction the man had indicated.

They walked through long halls, all in the same sterile white with unnaturally smooth surfaces. Eventually they arrived at a door. The man opened it. Inside, on a white bed on white sheets lay Rodney, totally still and so pale that John's heart seemed to stop for a moment. Then he rushed to the bed and moved his hand to Rodney's wrist.

There was a weak pulse, but his heart wasn't beating fast enough and he was far too cold. John held his fingers against Rodney's forehead, which wasn't any warmer.

"What have you done with him?" he said angrily, turning around to the man.

The man had only come a few steps into the room.

"He's in the state that the ritual requires. Do not worry. He will be unharmed when he awakes."

"Then wake him up, now!"

"That would make the ritual void. We have made an agreement with Doctor McKay. We have to allow you to successfully complete the ritual."

"And what do I have to do to finish it?"

"Just give him what he wants." The man bowed and left.

John tried to follow, but by the time he reached the door, it was closed—and locked.

"Wait! What do you mean? What does he want?"

Suddenly the man's voice came through the walls. "Finding that out is part of the ritual."

"And what if I don't find it out?" John asked into the room.

"You have three days. You have our full confidence."

"That's great to hear, but you can't just leave us here. Doctor McKay has a condition call—"

"We know about Doctor McKay's medical history. Do not worry. The state he is in will make it possible to sustain three days without any harm. You will find water and food at the table, and on the other side of the room, there is a small bathroom. We have provided everything necessary for you to perform the ritual. If you still think you need anything, let us know."

John turned on his earpiece. "Teyla?"

"Yes, John."

"Where are you?"

"We've been brought to a room, where we can watch you on a screen."

John turned around.

"The camera is above the bed," she said.

John went back there and looked at Rodney once more, before turning his eyes to a small ball inside the wall.

"Are my friends free to go?" he asked loudly again.

"Yes, of course," came the voice. "We will gladly lead them anywhere they wish to go, as long as the area isn't restricted. They can go through the gate. We will provide a room for them if they wish to stay."

"Okay. Teyla, I want you two to go back to the gate and report to Doctor Weir. Tell her about the situation and then come back and let them show you a room. I hope this doesn't take too long, but who knows."

"Okay."

"And Teyla?"

"Yes."

"Maybe Elizabeth has an idea what Rodney could want. Or Zelenka. Tell her to ask around, just in case."

"Okay."

John stood in silence, watching Rodney for a long while. It wasn't natural for him to be so still. Rodney was always moving. If not his body then at least his hands or his expressive face. But he lay there as if he was... John couldn't bring himself to finish that thought. He sat down on the bed and took his pulse again, just to prove to himself that Rodney was alive, even if it hardly felt like it.

John hesitated then took off his shoes and removed his sidearms and his vest and sat on the wide bed, next to Rodney, stretching out his legs, leaning his back on a pillow that he propped against the wall.

"So Rodney, what is it that you want?" he asked the still form lying next to him, but there was no answer.

The first thing that came up in John's mind when he wondered about what Rodney wanted was a ZPM. But if that was all, the ritual would be self-fulfilling, Rodney awake, and all of them in Atlantis with a ZPM. What else did Rodney want? A Nobel Prize. He couldn't really do anything about that, could he?

John suddenly remembered something the man had said. That he'd have everything he needed here, so maybe there was a hint in there.

He got up and went around the bed to where a line of white cupboards stood about four feet high and five yards long. There was a glass bowl with fruits at the end. No lemons or oranges, he noticed. Next to that was a flat kind of device. When he touched it, it opened up to reveal a screen and a board of buttons with a ball. A laptop.

John took it and carried it to the desk that stood near the cupboards. He sat down and looked at the screen and moved his hand over the ball. A little glowing ball moved over the screen. It sometimes lit up some of the characters beneath, so he tried pressing and suddenly the screen changed. It was all still gibberish to him, but at least he knew how to navigate.

He looked around on the screen at the top and in the right corner there seemed to be something in Ancient which looked vaguely familiar to him. He clicked there and suddenly he was on a page with all kinds of characters. Different languages. He scanned the page, and there somewhere towards the end was the word "Index". He clicked on it and found himself back on the first page, but in English now.

Neat. He wondered if there was actually someone maintaining everything in the different languages or if they had an automatic translation tool, like a babel fish.

The page itself had some general information about how to navigate, a news section, which included their own arrival, but nothing of interest, except that it mentioned the ritual. He tried searching for it and came to a page with some blah blah about time honored tradition and then some explanation on how the ritual would demonstrate how potential traders trusted each other, making it possible to infer how they would act if they became trusted partners with them.

He turned around and looked over to the bed, where Rodney lay exactly as before. He had trusted John to know what he wanted.

"What happens, when the three days are over? Then the ritual failed and you wake up Doctor McKay and we can all leave, right?" he asked into the room.

"We have full confidence that you will manage to be successful."

"That was not an answer to my question."

"May I suggest that you spent your time trying to achieve a successful outcome of the ritual instead of worrying about your failure."

"I wouldn't worry if you'd just tell me we'll be free to go unharmed if it fails."

Apparently they didn't take that as a question.

"Will you let us g-"

"Col. Sheppard, you know all you need to know to complete the ritual."

And was it just him or did the man begin to sound impatient? John contemplated going on like this until he really lost his temper, but that could end really badly, so he stayed quiet. Instead he tapped his earpiece again.

"Teyla?"

"We're on our way back."

"What did Elizabeth say?"

"She wasn't happy. She asked us to report back in four hours. As for the ritual, she said, what Rodney wanted is a ZPM. She also mentioned the respect and admiration of his peers. I think she was referring to that award that Doctor McKay mentioned."

"Yes, anything else?"

"She will talk to some others and ask around."

"Okay."

"John?"

"Yes."

"Might I suggest something?"

"Anything, I'm not really sure where to begin trying."

"I think Elizabeth is right that he wants the respect of his peers. But this ritual asked specifically for you, so maybe it is your respect that he wants."

"He has it. He knows that."

"Probably. But maybe you should tell him how you feel about him."

John's heart skipped a beat. He was pretty sure that Teyla didn't mean it the way it sounded, but for a second an image of himself kneeling next to Rodney on the bed, sprouting flowery declarations of love, flashed through his mind.

"Thank you, Teyla," he simply said.

"Good luck," she answered and then the conversation was over.

Tell him how you feel about him. John was pretty sure that _that_ wasn't what Rodney wanted. Especially since it would be such a jumbled mess of emotions. Still he walked over to the bed and sat down next to Rodney. He couldn't help his hand seeking out Rodney's wrist again. The far too faint and infrequent pulse was still there. John removed his hand.

"You are the smartest person I've ever met," he said. When Rodney didn't stir he continued. "You are arrogant and annoying and sometimes I want to strangle you just to shut you up, but... I'm glad that we have you here on this mission. I don't think we could have done it without you." There was no change at all in Rodney.

"You do amazing things each day, Rodney, and I'm not just talking about saving all our asses with that big brain of yours, but things like coming out here into worlds like these, where we don't know what expects us. You aren't trained for this. But still you hold your own and do things that you shouldn't have to do. And that's... something I can only admire."

John took his hand in his then, looking at it instead of at Rodney. "Beyond that I like you. You've become a friend. You're fun to be around, when you're not trying hard to be annoying." Then he grinned, looking at Rodney's face again. "Oh, who am I kidding, even when you try to be annoyi-"

Was that...? It seemed as if Rodney's eyelashes had fluttered minutely.

"Rodney?"

There was no answer.

"Did he just react?" John asked into the room.

"It is your part in the ritual to wake Doctor McKay up. He will regain full consciousness when you succeed."

They were really damn helpful. John considered shooting their little camera ball, but he was certain it wasn't the only one and it wouldn't help Rodney.

"Even when you are annoying, you are entertaining. So I'd really appreciate it if you woke up now and glare at me or make some snide remarks." No sign of life. John became frustrated. "God, Rodney, what were you thinking, agreeing to this? How am I supposed to know what you want? From me. Hell, I don't even know what _I_ want."

He dropped Rodney's hand, then got up on the bed and sat next to him, as before, legs stretched out, back to the wall, but this time his arms were crossed in front of him.

This was really just great. They were stuck here for possibly three days, at the end of which they might or might not wake Rodney up and let them go. He glared at Rodney. It was all his fault.

He sat like that, sulking for a while until he became hungry. He went over to the table at the far end of the room, where now some food was prepared. There was an opening in the wall he noticed. John sat down an sniffed. It didn't smell bad and really, if they wanted to kill him, they could have easily done it.

He ate, then walked around the room, checking the walls for any more openings. There was another smaller one at the line of cupboards, to hand through supplies he suspected, but the only two doors were the one he had entered through and the one to the bathroom. He used that, checked for any openings there, too, but in the end he was back with Rodney alone, as he'd known he would be.

He remembered wanting to check the cupboards for any hints but on top of them lay only a few more things. A little device, which after some prodding he found would take notes. Some empty sheets of paper and a pen-like thing. A glass and a decanter with a clear liquid. He poured some out and after smelling nothing took a sip. Water.

Other than that on the cupboard next to the bed there was a lamp, three untouched scented candles which seemed terribly out of place on this planet where the design principle seemed to be white, bland and lifeless and a glass bowl with some cream in it. It smelled flowery. He tasted it and screwed up his face. Definitely not to be applied orally. He rubbed it into his hands, but it didn't sink in, so he went to the bathroom and got a towel, then he walked back wiping off the substance.

He put the towel over the desk chair then started opening the cupboards. A whole stack of note taking devices and laptops. Then a machine that threw the picture on his screen on the opposite wall. It seemed this room doubled as conference room, if they weren't locking up their future trading partners for rituals.

In the next cupboard he found books in a language he couldn't read. In the one after that some spare sheets, more glasses and white silk pajamas. The last one was empty, apart from a long piece of metal.

He took it out, then noticed one side could be retracted. He pressed it in and on the other side a flame appeared. He lit one of the candles and settled back on the bed, lying down now. Then he tapped his earpiece.

"Teyla?"

After a moment she answered, "yes?"

"Report to Doctor Weir as ordered, then get some sleep. I don't think I'll manage to give Rodney... what he wants today."

"Understood."

John took off the earpiece and put it aside. Then he turned to Rodney and watched him for a while as if the answer was written somewhere in the way his body didn't move. He took his pulse one last time and brushed his fingers over Rodney's forehead, before closing his eyes and trying to sleep.

When John awoke the next morning, Rodney's condition hadn't changed. He felt his pulse and noticed that at least his hand seemed a bit warmer. It was probably because he had half-lain on it during sleep. He took Rodney's hand and rubbed it. Rodney made no sign of waking up.

John got his earpiece.

"Teyla?"

"We're awake. How is Rodney?"

"Still the same."

"Do you want us to watch you?"

"No, no, go around and talk to some people. Maybe you can find out how this ritual usually goes. It depends on the person, but maybe it'll give us some ideas."

"Okay. I have reported to Doctor Weir. She asked that we check in every four hours or when Rodney's condition has changed."

"Good."

"She talked to some others. Doctor Beckett suggested you could try... uhm, hugging him."

"Hugging?"

"He thinks Rodney might want physical contact, but is unable to ask for it, so it might manifest itself as a wish now."

"Uh, okay, I'll try that, maybe. Thank you."

He looked at Rodney and the hand that lay still in his. A hug. That sounded doable. He was glad that Teyla and Ronon weren't witnessing this. And he tried not to think of the man and who knew how many others staring at them on a screen at this very moment. He glared shortly into the ball in the wall above the bed.

Then he lay down sideways next to Rodney, propping his head on one hand, looking down at him. He put down Rodney's hand between them, then put and arm over Rodney's body and carefully settled half on top of him, trying not to put too much weight on Rodney.

Rodney was breathing so slowly that John could hardly feel it. And Rodney felt incredibly cold. He moved his head that had rested on Rodney's shoulder further up to put his cheek next to Rodney's. So cold. He moved his hand to his other cheek, trying to warm Rodney up.

Then he held still and suddenly he noticed a change. The movement below him was more pronounced now. He could feel the rise and fall of Rodney's chest. His hand moved to the pulse on his neck. He couldn't say for sure, but it seemed a fraction stronger than before.

He lifted his head. "Rodney?"

There was no answer, no movement. Rodney was still dead to the world. John sighed and pushed his face into Rodney's temple. "What do you want, Rodney? Tell me and I'll give it to you." He nuzzled just a little bit and suddenly felt Rodney's heart beat more loudly once. He took his pulse again and he was sure that he wasn't imagining that it was stronger.

He moved his hand on Rodney's face and it didn't seem quite as cold anymore and John thought it was more than the warmth that had come from his own hand and face. He was on the right track.

Of course he had no idea what to do next. Well, he had _one_ idea, but that was hardly what Rodney wanted. John wasn't even sure if _he_ wanted it.

He watched Rodney, the slightly opened lips of his crooked mouth, his soft hair, his eyelashes. He never got to see him so closely.

He knew that he had feelings for Rodney. And he knew those feelings were stronger than friendship. Sometimes he thought of it as a crush in his mind. But he knew that wasn't quite it. He didn't fantasize about Rodney, he didn't masturbate thinking of him. So really, it wasn't even a crush. But sometimes, like when Rodney was in danger and John's heart seemed to just stop beating for a moment, it seemed like so much more.

He didn't imagine kissing Rodney usually, but he could imagine it now. Like Sleeping Beauty, he would wake up and then... John had the feeling that Rodney wouldn't have agreed to a ritual where John had to find out that Rodney wanted to kiss him and then do it. Even if he _had_ feelings for John, and that was a big if, Rodney had never let anything on. And not even for a ZPM could John imagine he would open himself voluntarily to such humiliation. Especially since John had never given him reason that think that he would be okay with kissing Rodney.

Still the fact remained that Rodney was getting better. He even got some color back on his cheeks. So John was doing something right. Maybe Carson was right. Maybe Rodney simply longed to be touched. They were all pretty lonely on Atlantis, at least when it came to literal human contact.

He moved on top of Rodney, settling his face on the other side and his other hand where his face had been. Then he stayed quiet, listening to Rodney's faint heartbeat and feeling how he was lifted with every breath Rodney took.

The hand that wasn't on Rodney's face took Rodney's other hand, which was still quite cold. John breathed into Rodney's neck. "Rodney. You have to wake up."

But he didn't. John kept lying like that for a while. Then he rolled off of Rodney, afraid that he would be too heavy. It wasn't working. He had to do more. As a next option in that direction he could think of a kiss and more actual skin contact. But both had the potential to be very embarrassing, if Rodney woke up and hadn't actually realized that had been what he wanted or worse that even if he wanted it on some level he didn't intend to ever go there.

He got up and ate one of the fruits from the bowl, walking up and down the room trying to put some distance between himself and Rodney for a moment.

When he was done he sat back down and had made up his mind. He held Rodney's head with both his hands. He was colder again. Then he leaned down and kissed Rodney's cheek. There was a little surge of warmth and he thought he saw some faint movement out of the corner of his eye, maybe Rodney's eyelashes.

He settled himself so that he was lying next to Rodney, put his hand to his neck, and kissed his cheek again. His pulse quickened up. He crawled on top of Rodney, so that he was on all fours with Rodney beneath him. Then he kissed his other cheek, trying to keep his eyes on Rodney's eyelashes and there was definite movement there.

John smiled. Sleeping Beauty indeed. If Rodney didn't die of embarrassment, he had months worth of teasing material from this. He thought about how to do this. He told himself that it was about waking Rodney up and getting out of here, if they were lucky with their lives _and_ a ZPM. But there was another part of him that thought that this might be the only chance he'd ever get at kissing Rodney.

He lowered himself onto Rodney, then kissed both of his cheeks again before whispering, "Wake up," and pressing his lips onto Rodney's. He could feel a slight movement after a second, of Rodney's mouth opening up and he breathed a sigh of relief, before opening his own mouth. After a moment he delved into Rodney's mouth, but there was no answering push of his tongue.

John lifted his head. Rodney's eyes were still closed. He could see some movement behind the eyelids and his cheeks really had their color back now, but he wasn't awake. "Rodney?" he still asked, but of course there was no answer.

Only when John noticed his own disappointment did he realize that he'd really thought a kiss would work.

He got up from the bed again and moved to the farthest end of the room. The kiss had been an improvement. It was the right direction, but it wasn't enough and John wondered how far he'd have to go. An image of them, one naked bundle on the bed, came up in his mind and he tried to shake it away. He couldn't just... do something like this to Rodney.

What if he was wrong? Rodney's response seemed to be clear, but what if the warmth just came from his body pressed to Rodney's. And the heartbeat and the eye movement came because they were only slowed down because of the lower temperature. He thought of the sheets of paper. What if Rodney just wanted a list of 10 reasons why John Sheppard thinks Rodney McKay is a genius.

If he went ahead now with this and Rodney didn't wake up and found out... it was unthinkable. And suddenly another thought occurred to him. What if he did wake up, but he hadn't really wanted to do this with _John_. What if Rodney simply had the subconscious wish to have sex again after all this time, but hadn't realized it and so stupidly asked for Sheppard instead of Teyla.

John slid down the wall and sat down. At this point his best case scenario seemed to be the one where Rodney would only be terribly embarrassed instead of hating him forever.

He tapped his earpiece. "Teyla?"

"Yes?"

"Have you been able to find out anything?"

"I'm afraid not. The particulars of any ritual are kept secret. They are considered a private matter. There is only one witness and he or she is not allowed to talk about it to anyone."

At least they had that.

"Have you had any luck with... hugging Doctor McKay?" Teyla asked.

"Ehm. There seems to be some reaction, but he hasn't woken up yet."

"We will not witness what you are doing."

He was afraid he knew exactly what Teyla was thinking. "Yes, I know."

"What happens will be solely between the two of you."

Damn her. "I'll keep trying. You keep reporting to Elizabeth regularly. And let me know in case you have an idea."

"John?"

"I'll try, okay?" he said quickly, because he knew what he had to do, but nothing she said would take his fears away.

"Good luck."

He'd need it. "Thank you."

He sat for a long while after that until his back hurt.

When he got up, he went to take a shower. He could just go back naked and get into bed with Rodney and try this, but instead he put his clothes back on and ate. Afterwards he surfed around a bit, then used the restroom. He lit the candles again. The one he'd lit the night before had gone out.

Then he really had nothing to do, but go back to Rodney. He put down his earpiece and sat next to Rodney.

"You really have to make everything difficult," John said, but Rodney remained silent.

Then John got back onto the bed and lay next to Rodney. He leaned forward and kissed his cheek again. Then he moved slightly on top of Rodney and kissed his mouth, then his nose, then his forehead. He ended up at the cheek again before kissing his way down Rodney's jaw to his neck, then up to Rodney's earlobe. He nibbled on that.

It felt so good to do this to Rodney. He had a steady pulse now, but still John felt as if he was doing this not for Rodney, but for himself. At this point he was more sure that _he_ wanted this, than that Rodney wanted it, and the thought scared him. He moved away again and tried to think that he was doing the right thing, the only thing he could do. Although that wasn't exactly true. He could simply wait until the three days were over.

He still wasn't sure what would happen then. He grabbed his earpiece from the cupboard.

"Teyla?"

"Yes?"

"Have you been able to find out what happens if the ritual fails?"

"I'm afraid not. Those that we asked, didn't seem to remember ever hearing from them again."

"Okay. Thank you."

He put the earpiece aside again.

Suddenly the voice in the room was back again. "Col. Sheppard?"

"Yes?"

"I think you should know that Doctor McKay was adamant that you do anything in your power. He seems to believe the ZPM would be of great value for you."

"Well, did Doctor McKay know what exactly I had to do? Did he tell you?"

There was no answer, which was answer enough for John.

"You really let him walk into this one, right? I mean, what did you make him believe?"

"We did not tell Doctor McKay anything, but that he had to choose someone to fulfill his greatest wish."

"And he didn't ask further?"

"He only considered it for a moment. He seemed confident when he looked at the ZPM, though, and agreed."

"The ZPM was _there_?" No wonder Rodney hadn't thought straight.

"It was. The only other thing Doctor McKay asked was, if the ritual would choose a wish that you could fulfill. We said it would, and that was all."

John lay back next to Rodney and watched him. He had paled again a bit and John ran the back of his fingers over his cheek. If he went ahead with this, Rodney might never talk to him again. But the same was true if he didn't try. Although of course he didn't have to find out. John could simply say that he did anything he could think of and hadn't succeeded. Except that the man knew. He wasn't sure if he was allowed to talk about it with the participants of the ritual themselves.

John considered asking him, but he had the feeling that it wouldn't come across as a good sign of trust and he didn't believe that the man would actually answer. He sighed.

Then he laid his head on Rodney's shoulder and put an arm around him. It was nice to be this close to him, John had to admit to himself. This mission had already changed so much between them. Even if John stopped now, his feelings had changed. They weren't vague anymore, they were out in the open, and instead of ignoring them, he would have to hide them in the future. Maybe it would be easier if Rodney knew. This could be embarrassing for both of them and they could get over it together.

For a second he imagined himself lying next to Rodney in his own bed in Atlantis. He tried to banish that thought. It was not only too much to hope for, he wasn't even sure if it would be right, even if he wanted it, even if they _both_ wanted it. And in any case it was something that only needed to be considered if he went ahead and woke Rodney up. And if they were allowed to leave.

He had to make a decision. He looked at Rodney. "Is this what you want?" he asked and slid a hand beneath Rodney's shirt onto his stomach. Rodney's eyes moved behind the lids and his mouth opened up a bit. "Then you'll have it," John said and kissed him again.

He kept his hand under Rodney's shirt and started stroking him, moving upwards to his nipples. Another reaction. He pushed Rodney's shirt up with both hands then and moved it over his head carefully. Then he slid out of his own pullover and shirt. He lay back down on Rodney, skin to skin now, and started kissing his neck again. He could feel Rodney's heartbeat much better now.

He started stroking him again, his sides, his nipples. When he rubbed them more firmly, he thought that Rodney breathed in more deeply. He scooted down his body a bit and took the nipple into his mouth, licking over it, then sucking it into his mouth. Rodney's next breath was almost a gasp, and John lifted his head and looked up. "Rodney?" But there was no answer.

John did the same to Rodney's other nipple and was rewarded with another gasp. He moved his hand between their bodies and cupped Rodney's crotch. He wasn't anywhere near hard, but there was the beginning of something. John tried not to think about the fact that he was going to grope another man, a friend, without his knowledge and consent, well explicit consent at least. Instead he tried to keep thinking that it was what Rodney _wanted_. It had to be.

He moved aside to open up Rodney's pants, then slid his hand inside his boxers along Rodney's dick. He kissed Rodney again, licking his lips, while he started stroking his dick. John felt himself hardening. He tried to tell his dick to calm down, because even though this looked like it would get some action, it really wouldn't, except maybe a hand job from John himself. His dick didn't seem to care and was quite happy when his hips suddenly rubbed it against Rodney's thigh. John cursed his treacherous body.

He concentrated on Rodney's dick again and was pleased to feel it harden under his ministrations. He got up on his knees and started pushing down Rodney's pants and boxers. He took them completely off and did the same with Rodney's socks while he was at it.

Once done he looked at Rodney lying before him, completely naked, unconscious. A surge of lust went through John. He could fuck Rodney right now, and he would never know. Not unless he woke up and it was what he wanted. His dick became painfully hard and John looked away to the cupboard where he noticed the bowl again. It was lube. Of course it was.

John took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. He was not going to fuck Rodney. This was not about himself. And the lube was there for a hand job maybe. Except that John was going to suck Rodney. Not for himself, but for Rodney. John didn't wait for his mind to decide if he believed it. He bent down and licked along Rodney's dick, before taking it in his hand and slowly sucking it into his mouth.

John heard something like a groan and he stopped. He let Rodney slip from his mouth and looked at him. His eyes were still closed, but his mouth was more open that it had been before. John kissed it. Then he took Rodney's half-hard dick in again and started sucking and licking.

John enjoyed sucking cock. It had been a while, but he loved how it filled up his mouth and especially feeling it harden inside of him. Rodney moaned a little now and then, but John had stopped looking up every time he did. He licked around the head for a while, stroking the rest of the shaft with his hand. It stood up now, almost completely hard and John tried not to think about how it would feel inside of him, in his ass. He moaned around Rodney's dick.

He was still fully hard himself and for a moment he thought maybe he should go into the bathroom and relieve himself, except that he didn't want to leave Rodney alone. And as much as he wanted to come, here with Rodney, watching him, he couldn't bring himself to do it. His mind supplied him with an image of himself shooting his load all over Rodney. He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths through his nose, Rodney's dick still in his mouth.

He needed this to be over soon, for better or worse, even if a part of him wished he could stay here forever and do these things to Rodney without consequences. But there were always consequences. And he would find out what there were soon, because more than doing this to Rodney he wanted him to wake up.

John sucked Rodney's dick vigorously now, taking him deep, then sucking around the head while firmly stroking the rest, but Rodney didn't get any harder and John was beginning to wonder if he'd be able to make him come this way. It was what he suspected would end the ritual.

He started fondling Rodney's balls and heard a louder moan. He kept that up, but it didn't help. His jaw was getting tired. He moved down and stroked Rodney's perineum. Rodney twitched. John lifted his head. "Rodney?"

But there was still no answer and John took him back in his mouth and stroked some more before moving down to Rodney's entrance. Rodney twitched again. John swallowed around his dick. Then he moved his head up and away and looked at the bowl of lube. He looked at Rodney, then at his dick and eventually dipped the fingers of his left hand inside the bowl.

He lowered his mouth onto Rodney's dick again and ran his fingers around his entrance before sliding one inside. Rodney twitched again, but John didn't stop and slid it fully inside. Then he moved it around until Rodney groaned and his hips moved up. John looked up, not moving anymore, but Rodney didn't speak and there was no other movement.

He slid the tip of his finger over that spot again and Rodney twitched and shuddered. John started sucking again, stroking the shaft with his free hand, but even though he trembled all the time now, Rodney still didn't come or wake up.

John pushed in a second finger, then a third and eventually a fourth.

His jaw ached and he was so close to coming himself that he didn't know what to do. He lifted his head and slid out his fingers, and Rodney made a noise that sounded suspiciously like disappointment. John didn't know what to do. Except that his dick had a brilliant plan. And John found it very hard to argue against it. He'd simply try, he told himself. If Rodney didn't give a sign that he wanted this, he'd stop.

He put some more lube on his hand and coated his dick in it, then he lifted Rodney up and put a pillow beneath him before pulling his legs onto his shoulders and aligning his dick with Rodney's entrance. He took a deep breath and pushed in. He really only wanted to get his head past the ring of muscles, but Rodney was so relaxed and well-prepared that John slid right in until his balls slapped against Rodney's ass. They both groaned.

Rodney started trembling again, his mouth opened up a bit more, and he moaned. His eyes were moving rapidly beneath his lids now. John pulled slowly back and then thrust back in and Rodney's whole body moved. "Rodney? Come on, you have to wake up."

But Rodney was as silent as he'd been for the last two days and in that moment John would have given everything to hear his voice. But there was nothing except their harsh breathing. John closed his eyes, put his hands around the legs on his shoulders, and started thrusting.

He couldn't keep his own moans quiet now, and after a while he started saying Rodney's name like a mantra. Rodney kept convulsing around him slightly and John tried leaning forward and changing his angle until he heard Rodney moan. He hit that spot again and again then.

"Rodney. Rodney. Rodney."

He was going to come soon. He was fucking Rodney hard now, trying to hold on to every ounce of control he had in his body. And then suddenly he heard an almost imperceptible "John?"

John froze. He was deep inside Rodney. He didn't dare open his eyes, because he knew he would look into Rodney's. But eventually he'd have to.

When he finally did it, he could read nothing in Rodney's face. He'd been wrong. He'd been so wrong. He was fucking his best friend against his will in his sleep. But then Rodney said brokenly, "Don't stop," and closed his eyes, and John let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

He started thrusting into Rodney again then, and when Rodney moaned this time, he knew it was because he wanted this. John started pounding into him and Rodney started babbling incoherently. John could only understand single words like "yes" and his own name. John himself was simply panting, until he knew he couldn't hold it any longer. He tried to reach down to jerk Rodney off, but before he could reach him, Rodney shuddered one last time and came all over his stomach.

John shouted out Rodney's name and shot his seed deep inside Rodney.

Afterwards he slid out immediately and dropped down next to Rodney, completely exhausted.

They lay next to each other on the bed, just panting for a long while.

Once they caught their breath, they still didn't speak. Eventually John couldn't take it any longer. He needed to hear Rodney's voice.

"Please say something," he said, turning towards him.

Rodney didn't face him. After a long moment he said, "I'm sorry."

John could see that he was unhappy, but he didn't understand. "Why?"

Rodney laughed bitterly, then turned to John. "You just had to have sex with me."

"Had to? In case it escaped your notice, it wasn't exactly a hardship for me."

"Don't do that. You did what you had to do and made the most of it. I... I'm just sorry you had to go there. I had no idea it would be this."

"What _did_ you think your wish would be?"

"Honestly? I thought it was getting the ZPM, and since fulfilling the ritual would give me that, I thought you'd just have to come in and it would be done, the ritual would be over thereby fulfilling my greatest wish."

"It didn't cross your mind that it could be this?"

Rodney looked away. "I never tried to indulge in it. I thought I had it under control, but apparently..."

John moved his hand to Rodney's face and turned him toward him again. "I know what you mean. Really."

Understanding flickered over Rodney's face, quickly followed by doubt. "You...? How did you know what to do?"

John's hand was still on Rodney's face, and he kept it there. "Your body told me. And I listened, even though I was afraid that I wanted this more for myself than for you."

Rodney shook his head. "John, don't play with m-"

"I'm not playing," John said firmly, then he leaned forward and kissed Rodney.

Rodney hesitated for a second. Then he pulled John close and opened up his mouth pushing his tongue against John's.

This was so much better when Rodney was conscious. John moved closer until he lay half on top of Rodney and they were skin to skin, legs tangled, Rodney's semen sticky between them.

Then suddenly Rodney groaned. "Oh my god."

"What?" John asked, not too pleased about stopping the kiss, so he went for Rodney's neck instead.

"I just realized, we got ourselves a fully charged ZPM."

John lifted his head. It was hard not to be infected by Rodney's boyish grin. But he tried. "About that. We really need to talk about the things you're willing to do for a ZPM."

"Are you kidding, this was the best", he kissed John on the mouth, "trade," on his cheek, "ever," his neck. "Really, you should let _me_ do the negotiations more often."

"Rodney, I was really afraid that you might never wake up again," John said, swallowing down a lump in his throat.

"You managed," Rodney said softly and pulled him down for another kiss.

When they eventually let go of each other John said, "We should let Teyla and Ronon know you are fine."

Rodney nodded. "And we should get back to Atlantis with the ZPM. There's so much I want to try."

"Oh yeah, I would like to try a thing or two, too," John said saucily, and Rodney rolled his eyes, but grinned.

Then the grin softened into a smile. "So this was not just a one time ritualistic sex thing."

"It can be anything you want it to be," John said quietly.

"Then I want it to be just the beginning of something much better," Rodney said.

What Rodney wanted, he got.

**Author's Note:**

> For lavvyan (and anyone else who has this kink).


End file.
